No Name-Calling Week is an annual week of educational activities aimed at ending name-calling of all kinds and providing schools with the tools and inspiration to lauch an on-going dialogue about ways to eliminate bullying in their communities.
No Name-Calling Week was inspired by a young adult novel entitled "The Misfits," by popular author, James Howe. The Misfits tells the story of four best friends who grow tired of the constant teasing in their middle school, and decide to run for student council on a "No Name-Calling" platform.
No Name-Calling Week was launched in March 2004 as a co-created project of GLSEN and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing. It currently boasts over 40 national partnering organizations that work to spread the word about the project, including the National Education Association, the National Association of Secondary School Principals, the national Middle School Association, and the American School Counselor Association.
For Parents and Families-
What to do if a Child is Being Bullied
WHAT IS BULLYING?
Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength. A child who is being bullied has a hard time defending himself or herself. Bullying can take many forms, such as: hitting and/or punching (physical bullying); teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying); intimidation through gestures or social exclusion (nonverbal bullying or emotional bullying); and sending insulting messages by phone or computer e-mail (cyber bullying). Usually, bullying is repeated overtime. Many children, particularly boys and older children and youth, do not tell their parents or adults at school about being bullied. It is important that adults are vigilant to possible signs of bullying.
WARNING SIGNS
Possible warning signs that a child is being bullied:
• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces ofclothing,books, or other belongings • Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches • Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time • Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs) • Takes a long, “illogical” route when walking to or from school • Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school • Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home • Complains frequently of headaches, stomach aches, or other physical ailments • Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams • Experiences a loss of appetite • Appears anxious and/or suffers from low self-esteem
EFFECTS OF BULLYING:
Bullying can have serious consequences. Children and youth who are bullied are more likely thanother children to:
• Be depressed, lonely, anxious • Have low self-esteem • Be absent from school • Feel sick • Think about suicide
REPORTING BULLYING TO PARENTS
Children frequently do not tell their parents that they are being bullied because they are embarrassed, ashamed, frightened of the children who are bullying them, or afraid of being seen as a “tattler.” If your child tells you about being bullied, it has taken a lot of courage to do so. Your child needs your help to stop the bullying.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU SUSPECT YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED?
If your child shows any of the above signs, this does not necessarily mean that he or she is being bullied, but it is a possibility worth exploring. What should you do? Talk with your child and talk with staff at school to learn more.
1. Talk with your child. Tell your child that you are concerned about him or her and that you’d like to help. Here are some questions that can get the discussion going:
- “I’m worried about you. Are there any kids at school who may be picking on you or bullying you?”
- “Are there any kids at school who tease you in a mean way?”
- “Are there any kids at school who leave you out of things on purpose?”
- “Do you have any special friends at school this year? Who are they? Who do you hangout with?”
- “Who do you sit with at lunch/on the bus?”
- “Are there any kids at school who you really don’t like? Why don’t you like them? Do they ever pick on you?”
2. Talk with staff at your child’s school. Call or set up an appointment to talk with your child’s teacher. He or she will probably be in the best position to understand the relationships betweenyour child and peers at school. Share your concerns about your child and ask the teacher such questions as:
-“How does my child get along with other students in his/her class?”
-"With whom does he/she spend free time?”
- “Have you noticed or have you ever suspected that my child is bullied by other students?”
Give examples of some ways that children can be bullied to be sure that the teacher is not focusing only on one kind of bullying (such as physical bullying). Ask the teacher to talk with other adults who interact with your child at school (such as the music teacher, or physical education teacher ) to see if they have observed students bullying your child. If you are not comfortable talking with your child’s teacher, or if you are not satisfied with the conversation, make an appointment to meet with your child’s guidance counselor, and/or principal to discuss your concerns. If you obtain information from your child or from staff at your child’s school that leads you to believe he or she is being bullied, take quick action. Bullying can have serious effects on children. If, after talking with your child and staff at his or her school, you don’t suspect that your child is being bullied, stay vigilant to other possible problems that your child may be having. A number of the warning signs above (e.g., depression, social isolation, loss of interest in school) may be signs of other serious problems. Share your concerns with a counselor at your child’s school.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE CERTAIN YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED
1. Focus on your child. Be supportive and gather information about the bullying.
- Never tell your child to ignore the bullying. What the child may “hear” is that you are going to ignore it. If the child were able to simply ignore it, he or she likely would not have told you about it. Often, trying to ignore bullying allows it to become more serious.
- Don’t blame the child who is being bullied. Don’t assume that your child did something to provoke the bullying (“What did you do to aggravate the other child?”)
Parents and Families: What to do if a Child is Being Bullied
- Listen carefully to what your child tells you about the bullying. Ask him/her to describe who was involved and how each bullying episode played out.
-Learn as much as you can about the bullying tactics being used, and when and where the bullying happened. Can your child name other children or adults who may have witnessed the bullying?
- Sympathize with your child. Tell him/her that bullying is wrong and that you are glad he/she had the courage to tell you about it. Ask what he/she thinks can be done to help. Assure him/her that you will think about what needs to be done and you will let him/her know what you are going to do.
- If you disagree with how your child handled the bullying situation, don’t criticize him/her.
- Do not encourage physical retaliation (“Just hit them back”) as a solution. Hitting another student is not likely to end the problem, and it could get your child suspended or expelled.
- Check your emotions. A parent’s protective instincts stir strong emotions. Although it is difficult, a parent is wise to step back and consider the next steps carefully.
2. Contact your child’s teacher and/or principal.
- Parents are often reluctant to report bullying to school officials, but bullying probably won’t stop without the help of adults at your child’s school.
- Keep your emotions in check. Give factual information about your child’s experience of being bullied—who, what, when, where, and how.
- Emphasize that you want to work with the staff at school to find a solution to stop the bullying, or the sake of your child as well as others.
- Do not contact the parents of the student(s) who bullied your child. This is usually a parent’s first response, but sometimes it makes matters worse. School officials should contact the parents of the child or children who did the bullying.
- Expect the bullying to stop. Talk regularly with your child and with school staff to see if the bullying has stopped. If the bullying persists, contact school authorities again.
3. Help your child to become more resilient to bullying from others.
- Help to develop your child’s talents and positive attributes. Doing so may help your childbe more confident among his/her peers.
- Encourage your child to make contact with friendly students in class. Your child’s teacher may be able to suggest students with whom your child can make friends, spend time, or collaborate on work.
- Help your child meet new friends outside of the school environment. A new environment can provide a “fresh start” for a child who has been bullied over and over by classmates.
- Teach your child safety strategies. Teach him/her how to seek help from an adult when she/he feels threatened. Talk about whom she/he should go to for help and rehearse what to say. Assure your child that reporting bullying is not the same as tattling.
- Ask yourself: Is my child being bullied because of a learning difficulty or a lack of social skills? If your child is hyperactive, impulsive or overly talkative, the child who bullies maybe reacting out of annoyance. This doesn’t make the bullying right, but it may help to explain why your child is being bullied. If your child easily irritates people, seek help from a counselor so that your child can better learn the informal social rules of his/her peer group.
- Home is where the heart is. Make sure your child has a safe and loving home environment where he/she can take shelter, physically and emotionally. Keep the communication lines open!
Tips for Students-Techniques for "STAYING SAFE"
If you are being called names or bullied, remember the four ways to stay SAFE:
Say what you feel Ask for help Find a friend Exit the area
What does SAFE mean?
1. Say what you feel
Telling a person who is teasing you or calling you names the way that their words or actions make you feel can be a great way to let that person know that you don’t like what they are doing. You can start your sentence by saying something like “When you say/do ________ to me, it makes me feel ______.” Being angry or sad when someone is bullying you is ok, and it is ok to let that person (or someone else) know what you are going through.
2. Ask for help
Sometimes you can handle name-calling and bullying yourself (possibly by using one of the other SAFE strategies). But sometimes you need to ask for help, and that’s ok. If a person who is calling you names is making you feel scared that you might get hurt, you can talk to a teacher or other adult about what is going on. Asking for help is not about tattling – it’s about taking care of yourself and staying safe. 3. Find a friend
Some people who call names or bully others like to pick times and places when no one else is around because it makes them feel safer. That’s why sometimes you can end a bullying situation just by finding another person or people to be around or spend time with. Hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself is important, and the person calling names might think twice before picking on you when you’re with your friends. 4. Exit the area
While it might feel like you aren’t doing anything at all, sometimes walking away from someone who is picking on you is the best way to end things. Some people who tease want you to get upset, and while it’s perfectly normal to feel hurt, angry or sad if you are being called names, sticking around the person hurting you may just make things worse. So, if you can, find a way to exit the area where the teasing is happening.
Also....don't forget to "TAKE A STAND AND LEND A HAND!"
Name-calling and bullying are problems that everyone must help to solve. It may not be your fault that some students bully, but if you ignore it, laugh at it, or do nothing in response to bullying that you witness, you may be a part of the problem. Being an ally or a friend to someone who is being picked on may feel uncomfortable or scary, but there are safe ways in which we can all “Take a Stand and Lend a Hand.”
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE BEING BULLIED AT SCHOOL?
Ask yourself, “Is it my job to help?” Think about how YOU might feel if the bullying was happening to you. You and other students can lend a hand, even when you aren’t close friends with the people being bullied. Your school will be a better place if you help stop bullying. And making your school a better place is EVERYONE’S job!
WHAT CAN I DO?
Lots of things! Think about what may work for you:
- Don’t just stand there...SAY SOMETHING!
- People who bully may think they’re being funny or “cool.” If you feel safe, tell the person to STOP the bullying behavior. Say you don’t like it and that it isn’t funny.
- DON’T BULLY BACK! It won’t help if you use mean names or actions. And it could make things worse. BUT WHAT IF I DON’T FEEL SAFE TELLING STUDENTS WHO BULLY TO STOP?That’s OK. No one should put himself or herself in an unsafe situation. How ELSE can you lend a hand when bullying happens?
- Say kind words to the person who is being bullied, such as “I’m sorry about what happened,” and “I don’t like it!” Help them understand that it’s not their fault. Be a friend. Invite that student to do things with you, like sitting together at lunch or working together on a project. EVERYONE NEEDS A FRIEND!
- Tell that student to talk to someone about what happened. Offer to help by going along.
- Pay attention to the other students who see the bullying. (These people are called, “bystanders.”) Are any of them laughing, or joining in with the bullying? These people are part of the problem. Let those bystanders know that they’re not helping! DON’T be one of them!
- Tell an adult. (This is IMPORTANT!!) Chances are, the person who is being bullied needs help from an adult. AND the student who is doing the bullying probably does, too. Often, the bullyingdoes not get reported. Think about who you could tell in your school—a teacher, counselor, cafeteria or playground aid, principal, bus driver, or other adults you feel comfortabletelling. If you need help telling, take a friend along.
DON’T JUST STAND BY, STAND UP!
WHY DON’T SOME STUDENTS TELL WHEN THEY SEE BULLYING?
- They may not want others to think they are “tattling.” They may be afraid that the students who bully will pick on them next.
- They may think their friends will make fun of them for trying to help.
- Telling is very important! Reporting that someone is getting bullied or hurt in some other way is NOT “tattling.” Adults at school can help. Ask them to help keep you safe after telling. Explain to your friends that bullying is NOT fair and encourage them to join in helping!
WHAT IF THE BULLYING DOESN’T HAPPEN AT SCHOOL?
- If there is an adult around, report the bullying to an adult (your youth group leader, sports coach, etc.)
- No matter where the bullying happens, you should talk to your parents about bullying that you see or know about. Ask them for their ideas about how to help. We ALL must do our part! People who are bullied deserve to feel safe and welcome at school and in their neighborhoods. Everyone does!
